Anti-Vulnerability Shield

I hate the feeling of not being in control.. of being vulnerable..
It may surprise my friends who are reading this..
Because I'm really a very easy-going and accomodating person bordering on the line of indecisiveness haha..

But I'm only indecisive on the small stuff haha.. like a self-help book says.. Don't Sweat The Small Stuff (I haven't read this yet though)..
For the "Big Stuff" though.. I can really be quite a control freak..

That's why I:

(1) Sold my motorbike
After only 1 year of riding when I was in uni.. Couldn't stand the feeling of vulnerability.. Like how I could be killed no matter how safely I was riding because of some irresponsible drivers..

(2) Chose not to be an employee
I don't want to be whining and complaining if I don't get my "deserved" pay or promotion.. And complain of "favourtism" etc if things don't go my way..
If it is to be.. It is up to me.. If I don't do well.. If I don't get the pay that I deserve.. I have no one else to blame but ME!.. So I choose to set my own career path.. set my own career pace.. and set my own PAY!...

(3) Matters of the Heart
That's one thing that I've learnt the hard way. There's no way for you to be in control! It's really about letting go and placing you faith, trust... EVERYTHING in the hands of the other party.. No matter how much you put into a relationship etc.. It can still leave you crushed.. Maybe it's because of what happened..
It's the greatest feeling of vulnerability.. and I HATE it..

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- Ginseng for invincibility!

Conversation of the Week

The Joy of Giving?

Colleague: I like Christmas more than New Year.. because during Christmas there's the joy of giving..

Me: But you didn't give me anything.. You should.. I'm trying to make you happy! Haha..

Colleague: Haha.. No lah.. It's like gathering with friends.. Then gift exchange mah..

Me: Then don't say joy of giving.. if you give and expect something in return.. that's the Joy of TRADING!!

Both: Hahaha...

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- I derive joy from receiving.. I can make you HAPPY anytime if you derive joy from giving!..

Merry Christmas!

"Believing in Father Christmas is important.
It trains our imaginations on the little lies..
so we can believe the big lies like justice, truth"
- Writer Terry Pratchett

There's nothing like telling things the way it is!
Luckily True Love is not on the list (or maybe it should?)

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- Too innocent for this big bad world..

LOVE

Spotted on a friend's blog..

"...I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else..
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself..
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart.."

How apt a description..

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- True Love.. Nourishes even better than ginseng tonic..

Hang In There..

8 more days.. Hang in there.. Argh...
I will be NORMAL once again when January comes around..
I'm sure.. I promise.. The stressed (anal) expression on my face will be gone..

I'm soooo close I can almost smell the prize..
The finishing line is near.. Hang In There!!...
Just that little bit more...

Never knew I could be so tough mentally..

I really want to go ice-skating when all this craze is over.. Even if it means crawling on all four =P

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- Some nourishment for the heart please..

The Last Minute Man...

The Last Minute Man will do a lot better if he can

1) Stop being so last minute
2) Stop being so stressed
3) Stop choosing shows that are way toooooo S.L.O.W

Can't wait for January to come..
So many things I want to do.. So many things i NEED to do..
Like clearing up the mess in my room..

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- Beginning to hate December.. Argh.. Haha..

The Line

Should be out for work appointments by now..
But the rain is way too heavy..
Luckily they are kind souls who will let me meet them at a later timing..
So I'm blogging til the rain goes away haha..

I don't blog much about my activities.. I don't post pics much..
But because it was such Great Company for lunch yesterday..
I'll talk about it and post some pics today..

Lunch at The Line. Buffet at Shangri-La Hotel.

Great food.. Great variety..

The food that I began with.

-- Many other things in between Haha.. --

The dessert that I ended with.

And the great company is.....

My mum and I.

With the photographer of the year award going to my Sis!

(In her defence, she pressed th button by mistake haha..)

Yup.. And that was the great company for lunch yesterday.

My Mum, my Sis and my Bro-in-law. We brought Mum out for her Bday lunch..

It's worth every single cent.. For the food.. the location.. and most importantly.. the family gathering!

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- The greatest love of all.. A mother's love..

And it's STILL raining!...

Conversation of the day..

Hubby (happily with a hint of pride): He was my secondary school classmate.

Wife (curtly): How many times do you want to tell me that?!

-- Awkward Silence --


Heard this conversation last night.
Sometimes it really makes me wonder why it has to be like this..
Of course I shouldn't judge, maybe the husband has really said it countless times til it is sooooo irritating..

I'm not a sexist.. I'm not saying ladies talk like that.. Men do too..
Sometimes I wonder why conversations can't be just a little more tactful.. with more love..

How about:

Wife (smiling): Yes Dear, you have told me before..
*And seal it with a BIG kiss*

-- Blissful Silence --

Same meaning.. Different tone.. Totally different outcome!


-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- It's not just what you say.. It's the way you say it..

Blah Blah Blah..

Had a conversation with my colleague today.. And it reminded me of an incident last week..
There I was.. At a bus stop near my home.. Waiting for my bus to head to office when this old couple.. Probably in their 50s came along..
The lady was talking.. Nothing unusual..
Except that she talked....


and talked....



and talked...




and talked...

Until all the man did was nod with the almost synchronised replies of.. ya.. umm.. ah.. (repeat)...

For a cool I think 5 minutes at least.. She was talking.. All the way!..
5 minutes of MONOLOGUE.. It's amazing!!.. Not easy!!..

That's not all... Sensing no response.. Or at least no significant responses.. She started using her finger to poke at him as she continued mumbling away.. So all in, I would think took a cool 10 minutes!.. (I didn't time though.. Just a guesstimate)
10 minutes of talking.. It MUST be a record of sorts.. 10 minutes of monologue!

And gals wonder.. Why guys don't listen?..
Because there's tooooooooooooo much to process if we listened to everything..=P

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- Say that again?

Bliss

Attended yet another wedding last night.. earlier in the day.. attended the party of my friend's daughter who is a month old..
How much we have all grown!!

Lost track of the number of weddings and ROMs this year of friends already...
So happy for all of them.. CONGRATS!!

It is just so blissful to find the love of your life..
And when I see the blissful faces of the brides and grooms..
It gives me hope that the magic of love still exists..

Though it'll probably take a teeny weeny bit longer for it to hit me..
After all the hurt I went through.. It's not easy for me to jump in whole heartedly again..
Though I'm sure it will happen (or at least I hope!! haha..).. sometime..

Searching for my fairytale...

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- ... and they lived, happily ever after...-The End-

All I need is Quality.. NOT Quantity..

One simple sentence.. So many applications..

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker --

Sleepless Vicious Cycle?

Had a terrible time trying to sleep the night before..
Really terrible..
Can't remember the last time I had a night like this.. (last december maybe? haha..)
I hope it's not going to be a once-a-year afair..

I couldn't sleep at all the whole night!!..
The WHOLE FREAKING NIGHT!!

Nothing much was on my mind (or is it TOO much till I can't tell? haha..).. And I didn't overload on my caffiene boost..
So it was pretty frustrating actually... It wasn't like I'm particulary stressed out..

In fact, last night should be able to sleep well..
Caught Happy Feet in the day with a friend.. A really funny show that really helped to destress.. Though I don't think it's particularly suitable for kids.. coz of the sexual connotations in some parts of the movie.. Weird.. since it should be a kids' show..

Anyway.. So with me hardly getting my rest.. It was time to get out of bed way too soon after a night of tossing and turning... Had to be in office early..
To cut the story short.. With the lack of rest.. Feeling unwell.. and basically just a walking zombie.. Made my decision to cut the day short and go back for some rest..

Which leads me back to my title.. Because I took a nap.. Now I don't feel sleepy..
I just hope it's not going to be another Long.. Sleepless... Night...

--Ginseng Tonic Maker-- I need somebody to pat me to sleep...

KTV Fun..

Went for a KTV session with some of my colleagues on Friday..
We badly needed to destress..

People who know me well will know that though I go KTV sometimes with my friends.. I don't sing.. For a variety of reasons.. but mainly..
1) I can't sing
2) I don't want to sing
3) I don't know the songs well
4) I can't sing even if I want to as I didn't study hard enough for chinese

So to save myself the humiliation.. and to save my friends who are in the room from my torturous singing (afterall KTV is meant to be for fun, relaxation and destressing haha..).. I just don't sing.. And I'm perfectly happy that way.. So don't EVER try to force me to sing!!..

So why do I go?.. As usual.. It's the company.. I just go so I can listen to the songs.. the singing.. the gossiping.. the fun and laughter etc.. So leave me alone to drink.. eat the snacks.. eat the fruits.. listen to the gossip.. and talking rubbish.. Thank you very much!..

So what weird/interesting observations about KTV I made? Here goes.. (Note: It's with no reference to any particular KTV session.. and no reference to any particular person!)

1) People who don't sing in KTV - Ahem.. Like me!.. Please read above..

2) The most heard word in a KTV session.. "EJECT!" - The moment the singing is done.. always.. somebody will shout.. EJECT!!..always! haha.. Nobody bothers with the ending MV and music.. So as to save time and maybe squeeze in a song or two Haha..

3) Should have studied harder in school! - Typical local lousy chinese standard style.. Sing-Sing-Sing-*silence*-Eh how to read that ah?.. Quite amusing sometimes haha.. But I'm not making fun of anybody.. Because my Chinese is very lousy.. And I'm not proud of the fact..

4) Slow to warm.. Then overheat singers - They are the ones who at the beginning.. Eh no lah I don't sing much/ Sore throat/ Not feeling well/ don't feel like singing today singers.. but they go on to sing like they are giving mini concerts haha.. (no reference to anybody in particular!!!)

5) Nevermind.. you take the mic.. you sing.. - But then..they can sing without mic.. And can still sing louder than the ones with mics.. Hehe..

6) Has gone on a few KTV sessions with different group of friends.. And I've always noticed.. hardly anybody sings English songs.. Why?

Note: Purely an entry for fun.. No reference in particular to anybody or any of the limited KTV sessions I've went.. Entry over-dramatised I'm sure.. And please do not ostracise me from all future KTV sessions Haha.. Because even though I don't sing.. I still enjoy a KTV session once in a while..

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- No offence.. Keep on singing people haha..