Thursday, December 28, 2006

Anti-Vulnerability Shield

I hate the feeling of not being in control.. of being vulnerable..
It may surprise my friends who are reading this..
Because I'm really a very easy-going and accomodating person bordering on the line of indecisiveness haha..

But I'm only indecisive on the small stuff haha.. like a self-help book says.. Don't Sweat The Small Stuff (I haven't read this yet though)..
For the "Big Stuff" though.. I can really be quite a control freak..

That's why I:

(1) Sold my motorbike
After only 1 year of riding when I was in uni.. Couldn't stand the feeling of vulnerability.. Like how I could be killed no matter how safely I was riding because of some irresponsible drivers..

(2) Chose not to be an employee
I don't want to be whining and complaining if I don't get my "deserved" pay or promotion.. And complain of "favourtism" etc if things don't go my way..
If it is to be.. It is up to me.. If I don't do well.. If I don't get the pay that I deserve.. I have no one else to blame but ME!.. So I choose to set my own career path.. set my own career pace.. and set my own PAY!...

(3) Matters of the Heart
That's one thing that I've learnt the hard way. There's no way for you to be in control! It's really about letting go and placing you faith, trust... EVERYTHING in the hands of the other party.. No matter how much you put into a relationship etc.. It can still leave you crushed.. Maybe it's because of what happened..
It's the greatest feeling of vulnerability.. and I HATE it..

-- Ginseng Tonic Maker -- Ginseng for invincibility!


cyndax said...

Hey Ben,
Your blog often cheer my day up.. :P

In recently 1 year, i realise I am a totally indecisive person.

I cant decide on the BIG Things.
The small things, I dont care much so it does not matter..

The big things:
(1) Life - I am in my mid life crisis of not knowing what I want in Life.. No goals nothing, how can that be right, exactly! I also duno. just empty.

(2) Career - I only know I dont enjoy doing what I am doing, not exactly hate it but just not something I love. But what do I love, again the answer is duno.

(3) Love Life - Total Screw up. Because its like what you said ... in the hands of the OTHER party I had no control. Only control is to walk out of it, which at the moment, I dont really want to.

Ginseng Tonic Maker said...

Quarter life crisis my friend.. Not mid life.. not so fast yet at least.. haha..

I think life is full of uncertainties.. Which makes it "interesting"..

Well, I'm not faring much better in my love life as well haha.. Not much help here..


Ginseng Tonic Maker said...

cyndax>> oh ya.. glad that my blog often cheers you up.. I've been told by a few pple that my blog is pretty interesting.. Hmm.. maybe i shd write for a living? hahaha...

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